Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What a fantastic surprise

This week has been extremely hard for some reason. Monday was just not a good day for me emotionally. I snapped at my children, I snapped at my friends (sorry Mary), I snapped at my husband over the phone....I was just SNAPPY!

Thankfully yesterday was a better day for me. Woke up happier and had a good day with a great friend. And in the evening had a very relaxing and fun evening with my big brother.

But today I woke up feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. It was an extremely busy morning with lots of friends popping in and out. Which was completely fine. In no way am I complaining about it. I loved the company and conversation but was just tired and feeling stressed.

Because of all the business of the morning my kids went down almost 2 hours later for naptime. But once I got them down I enjoyed this delicious browning that a great friend brought me and a cherry Coke. It's amazing what chocolate and coke can do for a mood.

Anyways I was relaxing watching one of my smut shows (Real world, Las Vegas) When much to my surprise walks in my husband!!!!!

I was so excited and in shock because I didn't think I'd get to see him until Friday night. So it just made my whole day, attitude, mind set, etc. better! It felt like that weight on my shoulders magically disappeared. It's amazing how much just his presence makes this family so much better. The kids were happier, mommy was happier, our evening was so enjoyable. It's just such a blessing to be together. A blessing I took for granted ALL the time. I mean why would I ever think that's a blessing? When would there be a time us as a family wouldn't be together every night? Well that time is now and I LOVE and cherish the together family time we do get now.

So since the kiddos went down for their naps so late it was so nice cause Dustin and I got some much needed alone time to just talk and cuddle. Then we got to attend Bible study together. At Bible study I couldn't stop staring at him, almost like I couldn't believe he was actually there.

Blake and Bella were so excited to see him too. Bella just kept saying "dada" over and over and over again. We went to dinner after study and both kids wanted to sit by him, Bella eventually just sat on him. haha! They love and miss their daddy so much.

But lucky for us this week is a double blessing because Dustin gets to work locally tomorrow so he'll be home again tomorrow night! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna steal him away for a lil dinner date. I feel a little guilty because I know the kids miss him as much if not more than I do but mama really needs a DATE NIGHT!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Through sleepy and teary eyes

I am exhausted! Not just sleepy but so tired. DONE! I am praying I wake up with a refreshed spirit, mind, and body.

This past week I heard a lot of people tell me or comment to me.

 I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it.

and it got me thinking, do I have a choice? I have two kids who depend on me still for pretty much EVERYTHING! Do I have a choice to not be what they need? Do I have a choice to not only be mommy but also try to be fun daddy to Mon-Fri? As a mom I think the answer is simply. NO! I don't have a choice. It's not an option. I just do it! I'm trying very hard to not just endure it, or survive it but to succeed in it.

This my same so silly to many of you, but for me this is a extremely hard and challenging time in my life. Not only do I miss my husband terribly. I need the help, the support, the encouragement, the affection, and the security he brings. Plus the kids need their daddy.

I'm worried the weekends is not enough for them. I feel so imperfect just as the role of mommy, let alone trying to fill in for daddy. It makes me sad to see them miss him so much and not really understand when I have to answer their questions of "where's Daddy" He's at work honey. "See daddy?" No not today "Tomorrow?" No not for 4 more sleeps! It breaks my heart to see their lil faces wonder why daddy isn't home. Or to see little Bella walk around the house calling out "Daddy Go? Daddy?"

God is God.

That's all I need to know. And I pray for comfort and understanding for my babies.

I wake up every day wishing it was Sat and Dustin was home already. I hate that! I hate wishing for another week to fly by. I want to be able to wake up excited about another day. Another day I am a mommy to my beautiful, healthy children. I feel like I'm stuck waiting for life to begin again once the weekend comes. I don't wanna wait anymore. I need to learn to live each day to the fullest with my children, and be extra excited about the days Dustin is with us.

Dustin's job in Blythe is temporary, and I need to stop acting like it's the end of the world or at least my world every Monday when he leaves.

Yes I will miss him, yes I do miss him. But gosh I need to be happy! Not stressed, not wishing I got more breaks, had more help,.......

God can fill the emptiness I have during the week.

God is all I need.

Friday, March 18, 2011

God is in control

My love is coming home tonight!

It's been a long week, with lots of highs and low low lows. But we made it through another week apart. I'm learning a lot about myself if a women, mother, and wife. I know God is in complete control of my life and I trust in Him completely. I truly believe for whatever reason Dustin and I needed this. It's hard to explain and I hate being apart but it's teaching us to value the short time we get to spend together on the weekends and to rebuild our relationship on communication. We have to talk on the phone, actually talk not text! It's weird to have a phone relationship but it's also some days alot of fun to just talk to my love for 30 mins to an hour. It's helping us get back to why we fell in love. And I'm thankful for that.

God is also teaching me to come to Him in my loneliness. To call upon Him when I am weak, scared, tired, frustrated, and pretty much all the time.

I was driving the other day so tired, so ready for Dustin to be home, and just in tears. I was asking God why? I'm not strong enough to do this. To be a single mom, a wife without benefits during the week. (And I know some of you might think I am being dramatic and military wives do this all the time and don't get to see their loves for months! I know this but somehow doesn't make me feel better, sorry but it doesn't. I didn't sign up for this.) Anyways so I was driving having a pity party and saying how I'm not strong enough when God so simply tells me " I know, but I am" POOF! it was like a moment of clarity like I'm trying to teach you, to let me be your strength. Stop trying to handle it all, all the time. I started crying even harder at that point and just "ok, Lord take this all and be my strength cause I can't handle this" Of course I don't seem to remember to do this ever moment of the day but when I do oh it's such a weight off my shoulders.

Plus God has blessed me with the most amazing friends. I don't say this lightly, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I am completely surrounded all the times by prayers from so many of my friends and family. I have two super close best friends that pretty much hold me up some days when I can't stand on my own. They put up with my arrogance and humble me on days when I think I know it all. I love you Leah and Sarah! I couldn't ask God for better friends.

Also I have been totally blessed with so many other friends! From my Church, to my Bible study/small group, to my family, to my moms group which is the BOMB! lol God has truly blessed my socks off with the most amazing people I can call friends. So thank you to all of you who pray for me, call me, text me, love me, and put up with my non-stop complaining.

I've been praying a lot this week to be a happier person, and to not complain so much. I feel like I talk about all the crappy stuff to much. I need to be more thankful and positive.

So that's my lil ramblings for today. I hope you all have a blessed day!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Today has been a hard day

Today I was woken up by Blake rolling into my room on his skateboard on his tummy. He was so happy and excited for another day. I couldn't help but laugh at him and how adorable he was. Once i got outta bed I realized he was completely soaked! He had an accident in his bed, ugh! PEE!! So he got a quick bath and all his bedding into the washing machine. I was in high hopes for the day and he was in a good mood. Bella woke up screaming (so unlike her) she was screaming cause she had gone potty and had gotten a HORRIBLE diaper rash. My poor baby. So as you could imagine she wasn't in a good mood all day. Very dramatic little girl. And Blake decided today that he would treat his undies like a diaper. He had two huge accidents were he just let it all go! So I got to not only clean him up but also the carpet TWICE! So with all of that and Bella being insane, when I got a sweet text message from Dustin simply saying "I love you" I lost it! I broke down and tears and wrote him back how frustrated I was. He thankfully called me right away and I just sank to the floor in our bedroom and cried. I was feeling so weak and defeated. And Friday seems like so far away.

As many of you know I'm potty training Blake and we went straight to undies no pull ups and he was doing fantastic until today. So I put a pull up on him to meet my parents at Chuck E cheese and get a much needed break. And I was so upset with myself for "cheating" or "going backwards" with the potty training. But my wonderful husband and friend Sarah encouraged me and made me feel so much better about my moment of weakness with that issue. Blake kept his pullup dry the whole time we were gone and was so happy hanging out with Gramma and Papa. Bella had a blast with them too. She was all about her PAPA!

They went down for their naps close to 3pm (this time change has messed up their schedules royally!) and I was so exhausted I put Blake in another pull up :(  I know I know! He usually does great at naptime but just in case he didn't I am to tired to wash his bedding or have him wake up early so I cheated again.

I did NOTHING during nap time but lay on the couch and watch silly shows. I talked to my love once he got off work and that was nice but cried when we hung up. I hate feeling this way weak, tired, drained, discouraged, unmotivated. It's 5:30pm now and I should have close to a half hour left before my little one's wake. So I'm going to get off this addictive computer and go pray. I need strength and endurance. I really need a hug from Dustin, but that's not tangible right now so I will pray for things that are. And I'm going to pray for these tears to STOP! I hate crying I really really do. I like to be strong. I like to be described that way. Tears feel weak and so pointless! I am stronger than this, no I take that back. I am not stronger than this but my God is! Lord, take this heart and make it new. Make it strong. Make it YOURS

Finding our new normal

So Dustin has been working in Blythe for about 6 weeks now or more I've lost count. He stays in a hotel normally Monday through Friday. So we get to see him Friday night until Sunday night. It's been a HUGE adjustment for us all! Lots of tears and anger from the kids and from me. But I think with God's grace and help we are finally getting used to this new normal for us.

In the beginning the kids were very angry and were acting out by hitting each other and ME mostly. But the hits have almost ceased to exist and their attitudes have gotten much better too. And I think it's because my mood and attitude has gotten better. It's so amazing how kids just feed of your mood.

So I've learned to be a happy mommy for them! If I wake up sad or overwhelmed I PRAY and then PRAY again and force myself to be in a good mood or else the day is hell!

I've kept them busy and by doing lots of fun stuff like....

DISNEYLAND!!! On this trip we actually went with my sister's family and my parents. It was so much fun. We stayed ALL day and rode over 25 rides! It was such a fun filled day.

We've painted bird houses, which they loved! It was fun but boy was it messy messy.

I also started potty training Blake last week. So we did lots of potty coloring pages and the potty dance! He is doing GREAT. He normally has maybe one accident a day and it's ALWAYS pooh! But I made him a poop chart and every time he goes in the potty he will get a sticker and when the 6 spots are full I will take him to Disneyland. He has yet to get a sticker :( but he will get there I'm sure!

Yesterday we had our "Baby Prom" We dressed the babies all up in formal wear, had streamers, balloons, a sign made for pictures, snacks, juice, and dancing! It was so much fun and so adorable. My moms group is such a HUGE blessing to me. I'd be lost without those women and my days would drag without the play dates. So if you are in need of some fantastic fellowship with other moms look us up at

After the "prom" we went outside and ate lunch and played outside for 4 hours! It was a special treat for them because they got to skip naptime. I am normally for strict with naptime but they were being so good and having a blast so I just let them play. It was a good day. Today is Wednesday and I can't wait for Friday to be here so I can have my man home for 2 days. We miss him so much.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Coupon Shopping Tip of the day!

This is probably not as insightful as you were hoping for BUT.......once you check out and pay, make sure to check your receipt BEFORE you leave the store!

I always go shopping with my babies Blake (2.9 years) and Bella (16 months). As many of you with kids now, this is a work out in itself. ESPECIALLY  the grocery store, with coupons!

They always get a cookie during the shopping trip to amuse then for what less than a minute! So by the time I am ready to check out they are climbing all over the place and trying to throw stuff outta the cart and put new stuff in the cart! And once I get to the checker their main goal is play with the atm machine thingy. a couponer it's always recommend to watch the checker and make sure she has it all right. Well for me with my two that's just not possible. So I always count all the value of my coupons before hand so I know to look and make sure she scanned them all at the end. It's much easier for me. Example I give her $15 in coupons I look at the bottom of the receipt for "money saved with coupons....$15"

Ok so yesterday I did a HUGE Vons trip, 2 transactions and all. Anyways I checked my receipts but only for the coupons being taken off. Not that everything else was wrong up correctly!!!!!!
 They some how charged me for the wrong type of apples at $3.99lb of yeah right! I got the $.99 apples! And one of their promotions of buying 3 save $6 instantly didn't work. And of course I didn't realize this until after I got home and put ALL the groceries away. So I had to not only get the stuff back out that I need to take back but also load up my two kids and drag them back to the store kicking and screaming!

So please save yourself the trouble and your sanity and check your receipt before leaving the store. It would have saved me so much time and energy.

And yes I got all my $16 back no problem. My Vons has great customer service!