Friday, March 18, 2011

God is in control

My love is coming home tonight!

It's been a long week, with lots of highs and low low lows. But we made it through another week apart. I'm learning a lot about myself if a women, mother, and wife. I know God is in complete control of my life and I trust in Him completely. I truly believe for whatever reason Dustin and I needed this. It's hard to explain and I hate being apart but it's teaching us to value the short time we get to spend together on the weekends and to rebuild our relationship on communication. We have to talk on the phone, actually talk not text! It's weird to have a phone relationship but it's also some days alot of fun to just talk to my love for 30 mins to an hour. It's helping us get back to why we fell in love. And I'm thankful for that.

God is also teaching me to come to Him in my loneliness. To call upon Him when I am weak, scared, tired, frustrated, and pretty much all the time.

I was driving the other day so tired, so ready for Dustin to be home, and just in tears. I was asking God why? I'm not strong enough to do this. To be a single mom, a wife without benefits during the week. (And I know some of you might think I am being dramatic and military wives do this all the time and don't get to see their loves for months! I know this but somehow doesn't make me feel better, sorry but it doesn't. I didn't sign up for this.) Anyways so I was driving having a pity party and saying how I'm not strong enough when God so simply tells me " I know, but I am" POOF! it was like a moment of clarity like I'm trying to teach you, to let me be your strength. Stop trying to handle it all, all the time. I started crying even harder at that point and just "ok, Lord take this all and be my strength cause I can't handle this" Of course I don't seem to remember to do this ever moment of the day but when I do oh it's such a weight off my shoulders.

Plus God has blessed me with the most amazing friends. I don't say this lightly, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I am completely surrounded all the times by prayers from so many of my friends and family. I have two super close best friends that pretty much hold me up some days when I can't stand on my own. They put up with my arrogance and humble me on days when I think I know it all. I love you Leah and Sarah! I couldn't ask God for better friends.

Also I have been totally blessed with so many other friends! From my Church, to my Bible study/small group, to my family, to my moms group which is the BOMB! lol God has truly blessed my socks off with the most amazing people I can call friends. So thank you to all of you who pray for me, call me, text me, love me, and put up with my non-stop complaining.

I've been praying a lot this week to be a happier person, and to not complain so much. I feel like I talk about all the crappy stuff to much. I need to be more thankful and positive.

So that's my lil ramblings for today. I hope you all have a blessed day!

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