Today I was woken up by Blake rolling into my room on his skateboard on his tummy. He was so happy and excited for another day. I couldn't help but laugh at him and how adorable he was. Once i got outta bed I realized he was completely soaked! He had an accident in his bed, ugh! PEE!! So he got a quick bath and all his bedding into the washing machine. I was in high hopes for the day and he was in a good mood. Bella woke up screaming (so unlike her) she was screaming cause she had gone potty and had gotten a HORRIBLE diaper rash. My poor baby. So as you could imagine she wasn't in a good mood all day. Very dramatic little girl. And Blake decided today that he would treat his undies like a diaper. He had two huge accidents were he just let it all go! So I got to not only clean him up but also the carpet TWICE! So with all of that and Bella being insane, when I got a sweet text message from Dustin simply saying "I love you" I lost it! I broke down and tears and wrote him back how frustrated I was. He thankfully called me right away and I just sank to the floor in our bedroom and cried. I was feeling so weak and defeated. And Friday seems like so far away.
As many of you know I'm potty training Blake and we went straight to undies no pull ups and he was doing fantastic until today. So I put a pull up on him to meet my parents at Chuck E cheese and get a much needed break. And I was so upset with myself for "cheating" or "going backwards" with the potty training. But my wonderful husband and friend Sarah encouraged me and made me feel so much better about my moment of weakness with that issue. Blake kept his pullup dry the whole time we were gone and was so happy hanging out with Gramma and Papa. Bella had a blast with them too. She was all about her PAPA!
They went down for their naps close to 3pm (this time change has messed up their schedules royally!) and I was so exhausted I put Blake in another pull up :( I know I know! He usually does great at naptime but just in case he didn't I am to tired to wash his bedding or have him wake up early so I cheated again.
I did NOTHING during nap time but lay on the couch and watch silly shows. I talked to my love once he got off work and that was nice but cried when we hung up. I hate feeling this way weak, tired, drained, discouraged, unmotivated. It's 5:30pm now and I should have close to a half hour left before my little one's wake. So I'm going to get off this addictive computer and go pray. I need strength and endurance. I really need a hug from Dustin, but that's not tangible right now so I will pray for things that are. And I'm going to pray for these tears to STOP! I hate crying I really really do. I like to be strong. I like to be described that way. Tears feel weak and so pointless! I am stronger than this, no I take that back. I am not stronger than this but my God is! Lord, take this heart and make it new. Make it strong. Make it YOURS