Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Through sleepy and teary eyes

I am exhausted! Not just sleepy but so tired. DONE! I am praying I wake up with a refreshed spirit, mind, and body.

This past week I heard a lot of people tell me or comment to me.

 I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it.

and it got me thinking, do I have a choice? I have two kids who depend on me still for pretty much EVERYTHING! Do I have a choice to not be what they need? Do I have a choice to not only be mommy but also try to be fun daddy to Mon-Fri? As a mom I think the answer is simply. NO! I don't have a choice. It's not an option. I just do it! I'm trying very hard to not just endure it, or survive it but to succeed in it.

This my same so silly to many of you, but for me this is a extremely hard and challenging time in my life. Not only do I miss my husband terribly. I need the help, the support, the encouragement, the affection, and the security he brings. Plus the kids need their daddy.

I'm worried the weekends is not enough for them. I feel so imperfect just as the role of mommy, let alone trying to fill in for daddy. It makes me sad to see them miss him so much and not really understand when I have to answer their questions of "where's Daddy" He's at work honey. "See daddy?" No not today "Tomorrow?" No not for 4 more sleeps! It breaks my heart to see their lil faces wonder why daddy isn't home. Or to see little Bella walk around the house calling out "Daddy Go? Daddy?"

God is God.

That's all I need to know. And I pray for comfort and understanding for my babies.

I wake up every day wishing it was Sat and Dustin was home already. I hate that! I hate wishing for another week to fly by. I want to be able to wake up excited about another day. Another day I am a mommy to my beautiful, healthy children. I feel like I'm stuck waiting for life to begin again once the weekend comes. I don't wanna wait anymore. I need to learn to live each day to the fullest with my children, and be extra excited about the days Dustin is with us.

Dustin's job in Blythe is temporary, and I need to stop acting like it's the end of the world or at least my world every Monday when he leaves.

Yes I will miss him, yes I do miss him. But gosh I need to be happy! Not stressed, not wishing I got more breaks, had more help,.......

God can fill the emptiness I have during the week.

God is all I need.

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